As a writer of horror fiction that cannot be described in a sense that defies description in the manner of Rod Serling or Richard Matheson I often find myself wondering about the little details when I write my dark fiction. Research is very important for an author and publisher. You really need to put your hamster to the grindstone and make sure you’ve got all the details correct, lest you produce a text that might contain errors of some kind. I am currently writing a text for my next anthology which I will send to a printshop as soon as my next welfare slip pops in with the mail, so it’s research, research & research for me these days.
The main protagonist of my latest venture is Nick Kane, a bisexual wrestler with a sleepsack fetish who encounters a magic unicorn in the men’s room at the local disco after snorting three lines of cocaine off of his companion Leroy “Thumper” Jenkins’ asscrack. The unicorn in question poses three questions in the form of riddles for Nick Kane to solve, which will serve as the basic plot for the story – three riddles which will slowly carry Nick to a deeper understanding about himself and his troubled sexuality. I’m not going to spoil the experience for you by letting you know the riddles in advance. You’re just going to have to read all about them when “Nick Kane & The Unicorn in Maroon” hits the shelves.
Anyway, the main problem right now is… unicorn piss.
What color is it?
Since the setting is a men’s room, it’s only natural that the unicorn would do his business after having fulfilled his purpose, i.e. telling Nick Kane the three riddles he must solve. In my minds eye the unicorn would turn and causally saunter up to the urinal, rise on his hind legs and proceed to take a steaming piss before leaving, which would give Nick Kane a good chance to take an interested peek at the unicorns genitals and experience a tingling sense of excitement mixed with guilty shame – a perplexing combination of feelings for the still rather closeted wrestler. As the unicorn piss splashes against the white tiles I am going to need to describe the scene in detail and here’s the problem… what color is unicorn piss?
The obvious answer would of course be a dark yellow. A deep and rich dark color that smells of ammonia and love. However, I cannot shake the feeling that there should be something ‘special’ about unicorn urine. Perhaps I should make it pink? A bright intense pink color that reeks of violets and lavender? Would that be too far a stretch? I don’t want to sound too poofy since I’m a very dark and controversial author, but my gut feeling tells me that unicorn urine should be pink.
Am I wrong? Am I right? I honestly don’t know.
What do you think? Help me, internet!